The Celtics Injury Report As Self Care
I’m struggling, man. I know I’m not the only one. The country is on fire and there are simply not enough fire trucks to dull the flames. The weight of these burdens is so heavy that I’m having a difficult time caring about the mundane activities taking place in my own house.
Do I care that I’m not sure about when Max last brushed his teeth?
Nope. At least he wasn’t shot at school today.
Do I care that Luke still hasn’t mastered potty training after approximately a year of trying?
Nope. Thank goodness he doesn’t need formula anymore.
Do I care that I forgot to thaw something for dinner?
Nope. Thank my lucky stars that the color of my skin doesn’t put me at risk when going to the grocery store.
Do I care that I’m several days overdue for a hair wash and a leg shave?
Nope. Fortunately I’m not carrying an unwanted pregnancy.
Does anyone else think like this? Like, why do I think I have the audacity to be burnt out or tired or frustrated by any part of my life when other people have it so much worse? It’s similar to the guilt I feel about my depression. When compared to the life circumstances of so many other people, what exactly do I have to be depressed about? You know what I mean?
Yesterday I attended an in-person, half day retreat with my coworkers. It was the first time we have gathered as a team in 2.5 years. The focus of the retreat was to continue our work to become an anti-racist organization, which is so important to me. But I almost didn’t go. I spent a fair amount of time during the days leading up to to yesterday brainstorming ways to get out of it. Excuses I could make. I just felt like I didn’t have the emotional bandwidth to take on such an important topic given the heaviness I’m feeling in my soul. But then I remembered why I have worked in the same place for almost 16 years. The people. I knew that my people would be feeling the way that I have been feeling. So I went. And you know what? It was good. It was challenging. And a little uncomfortable. But it was so, so validating to be surrounded with like-minded people, who also feel paralyzed about how to dampen the fires. So in a way, it was self care. It normalized my feelings.
Self care is funny. Sometimes it’s a glass of wine and a bubble bath. Or underwear dance parties before bed. Or naps. Or time with friends. Or filling your online shopping cart for hours and then not purchasing a single thing. Or mental health days. And sometimes, it’s obsessively checking the Boston Celtics injury reports.
Since the playoffs began several weeks ago, I am consumed by the Celtics. I await updates on Robert Williams’ knee, Marcus Smart’s ankle, and Jayson Tatum’s shoulder. I cross my fingers that I will see Tyler Herro dressed like he’s attending a white party in the Hamptons, while seated beside the active players on the Heat’s bench. And is anyone else curious about why there are so many hamstring issues on that team?
Never have I ever cared about the Celtics like this. But it’s an incredibly effective distraction.
Don’t get me wrong. I am paying attention to the fires. But I cannot single-handedly deploy the fire trucks. At the moment, I’m at a loss for how to flip the siren switch on a single engine. But you know what is so interesting about my brain? And maybe your brain, too? It can do lots of things at once. Like, so many. Take sleeping for example. While my body is resting, my brain keeps me breathing, beats my heart, holds my pee, regulates my temperature, and dreams. And while all that is going on, it can also wake me up at 2am to alert me that it has remembered the name of the small type of inflatable boat that is often towed by a larger boat. (It’s a zodiac, by the way). All this is to say that big thinking happens behind the scenes when we least expect it.
Did I lose you? Sorry. I almost lost me.
Here’s my point. When paralyzed with indecision or the ability to act, maybe it’s best to take a breather. When your brain knows what to do, it will tell you. Until then, please know that Robert Williams and Marcus Smart are questionable for tonight. Worry about that for a little while. ♥
