Somewhere Over The Rainbow
When I was in kindergarten, I painted a picture of a rainbow. I still have it. It’s framed and hanging in Luke’s room.
I have always just really liked rainbows. They make me happy. (I also really love unicorns, but that seems to be less socially acceptable for a grown woman to admit. I’d actually like to go a step further and request that clothing companies begin producing sequined unicorn shirts for adults, okay?) So this time of year is my super bowl. There is no shortage of rainbow-colored items for purchase. Ah, Pride Month.
So today, my friends, we’re talking about how to have really important conversations with kids. This post is about people living under or near the LGBTQ+ rainbow, but the same principles can be applied to conversations about any marginalized group or sticky social topics. And why is it important to explicitly chat with your kiddos about these big ideas? Well, because our culture is a sneaky little place and it’s implicitly feeding our children messages about the world. These messages may not align with your values and beliefs. So if you, like me, want your kid to embrace diversity, then you really, really, REALLY need to talk about it. And good news! I came with help.
Do you know about Dr. Becky? If you are attempting to raise (or teach or are otherwise emotionally invested in) kind, respectful, compassionate, respectful, emotionally-intelligent little people, then you definitely need to know this name.
Dr. Becky is a clinical psychologist, mom of three, and founder of Good Inside. She helps parents raise their children through a method she created, which talks about attachment, mindfulness, emotion regulation, and internal family systems theory. She is an author, podcaster, educator, and probably lots of other things. I really like her social media presence, which provides quick snippets of useful information…like what I’m just about to show you. She has a natural ability to look at a really big idea and break it apart into lots of little ideas that are easier to talk about. Oh! And before I forget, I “borrowed” the below graphics from Dr. Becky’s Facebook page.
Without further ado, I bring you Dr. Becky’s 5 Things to Say to Your Kids to Encourage Openness and Acceptance.
In my opinion, blocks 1-4 are pretty darn good. They don’t need my edits. (I mean, because if Dr. Becky needed help with language choices, she would obviously come to me, right?) But block 5, man. I don’t like it.
The sentiment is there, but the language is not. The intention is that the parent is trying to convey to the child that their love will never end. It’s an attempt at reassurance. BUT. But as my boo, Glennon, tells us in Untamed, the phrase “no matter what” hints at some sort of negative behavior.
“I will love you forever, even if you rob a bank.”
“I will love you forever, even if you eat all of my Gummy Twin Snakes.”
“I will love you forever, even if you’re gay.” Uh, what? Pause.
For those in the back, let’s be explicitly clear. There is nothing negative about being gay. Or any part of LGBTQ+. (Especially if rainbows are included!!!!) So to group this idea under the umbrella of “no matter what” doesn’t make any sense at all.
I think the better thing to say is “There is nothing you could say or do that would cause me to stop loving you.” Doesn’t that feel better? It feels better for me.
Here’s your action item, loves. It’s time to converse with your littles. Use this blog as your impetus if you’d like. But it’s time to start talking about the things we avoid talking about, okay? It’s hard. I know. But in the deepest part of my soul, I know that our next generation must be more woke than our last. What do those two things have in common? Us. It’s up to us, my friends.
I worry sometimes that when I express my thoughts about things like this, I come across as a know-it-all or an idealist. Being my own greatest critic often plants doubt inside my head. That’s never my intention. More than anything else, this blog is a place where I can ramble on about just how much I don’t know. Or discuss my struggles as I attempt to put my finger on the things that make me tick. Or share my vision for a more beautiful future, somewhere over the rainbow. And my greatest hope is that people can relate to my struggles and feel less alone. ❤
