New Day’s Lyric
Yesterday morning I woke to the sound of a coffee mug being placed on my nightstand. I opened my sleepy eyes to see hubs standing there. I felt so grateful for this gesture because I didn’t sleep much last night. After some fits and starts and tosses and turns, I forced myself out of my cozy bed to binge on Cheetos popcorn and Southern Charm from 2-4 a.m.
I felt punchy and intended to write a disgustingly honest blog detailing my hot girl bedtime routine, complete with the removal of pervasive upper lip and chin hairs that just won’t quit and pumicing the callouses on my heels that appear on the regular because I avoid socks at all costs. I popped on to Facebook only to realize that my blog idea would need to wait. There, on my college roommate’s page was a link to a poem by Amanda Gorman, called New Day’s Lyric. Below is an excerpt.
This hope is our door, our portal.
Even if we never get back to normal,
Someday we can venture beyond it,
To leave the known and take the first steps.
So let us not return to what was normal,
But reach toward what is next.
During this time each year, the world around us starts buzzing about resolutions. Fresh starts. Healthy habits. Following through. And to that, I say, BULLSHIT. We, as human beings, are a constant work in progress, from the day we are born until the day we die. Some of us may be more intentional in shaping the version of ourselves that we want to be, but we are all evolving and changing into better and worse versions of ourselves, depending on our circumstances. You do not need to wait until January 1 to change your life. You do not need to start your diet on Monday…or at all.
Flipping the page on the calendar and expecting a new way of life is nonsense, yet every year, hope blooms as we envision the potential of what could be next. Given what we have all experienced over the last two years or so, hoping can feel dangerous. I think we are all cautiously optimistic that we can put the pandemic behind us in 2022. But what does that mean? Our world has changed so drastically that it can be difficult to remember what life was like before COVID. And to that, I say GOOD. Every. single. one. of. us. has. changed. So why would we want to go back to “normal?”
As our friend, Amanda Gorman, tells us “Even if we never get back to normal, Someday we can venture beyond it.” So let’s venture.
As the queen of my universe, Glennon Doyle, tells us in Untamed, which I consider to be my instruction manual for life, we are each responsible for creating our truest and most beautiful life. This version of life is not necessarily easy, but it is a life built on our own terms that allows us to be the most authentic versions of ourselves. I have been doing some thinking about how to create that life for myself and I’m going to share my process with you. It’s not evidence-based. I created it myself. It is the result of my brain conducting constant self-analysis, combined with the way I organize information, which is in mental spreadsheets.
I created a four grid system. The green section signifies things that have been and currently are working. Like a green light. Get it? Green means go! This includes things that had been in place, were put in place as a result of COVID, and things I want to continue with going forward. The red section signifies the opposite of that. These are the red light items. Red means stop! This includes things that had not been working prior to COVID, things that I have begun to change, and things that I will continue to change going forward. This is not an exhaustive list. I’m just getting started.
Without even examining the content of my grid, a cursory glance will tell you that the list of things that were not working pre-pandemic is lengthier than the things that were working. But the reverse is true for COVID and beyond. More things are working for me now. That, my friends, is a COVID silver lining. Did these things magically improve on their own? Absolutely fucking no way. Times a million. Times a million again. Here’s the secret. THERAPY. I’m like the Oprah of therapy. You get a therapist! You get a therapist! You get a therapist! We all get therapists!
I have a therapist. Hubs has a therapist. We have a couple’s therapist. Max works with his guidance counselor. Luke worked with an occupational therapist on emotional regulation. We legit have all had therapy. Through our collective sessions, we have been given an opportunity to talk about all of the things that are on our minds without feeling as though we are burdening our loved ones. We have learned to connect the ideas in our brains with the emotions in our hearts. We can express ourselves in meaningful ways. We can argue constructively. We can resolve conflict. We can better prioritize our emotional needs. We can make time for enjoyment. We can set boundaries and we are learning to enforce them.
As Glennon tells us, the hard part is not setting the boundaries. The hard part is enforcing the boundaries. Receiving negative reactions to your boundary-setting does not make you whiny, needy, or dramatic. It does not mean you have done anything wrong. It does not mean you should change course. It makes you an emotionally-evolved adult who is actively prioritizing your own needs. Your responsibility is to live your life. It is the responsibility of others to not be a dick about your choices.
You get to choose who you allow into your personal space. You get to decide how you spend your time. You get to decide where your money goes. You get to define what the celebration of holidays and momentous occasions look like. You get to decide on the car you drive. And the clothes you wear. And when you want to answer your phone. And whether to order Door Dash. Again. You get to say no. Just no. As a sentence. No explanations. No justifications.
Start tomorrow. Or Monday. Or three weeks from Thursday. Or don’t start at all. It’s your life. Just live it your way.
