Birthday IKEA Manual, A Process Review
At the request of my readers, today I bring you an assessment of my birthday shenanigans, complete with a review of my Advent. Actually, this is sort of a lie. Only one reader requested this. And I’m related to her.
I equate this process to an IKEA furniture assembly manual. There are multiple steps. There are graphics to illustrate expectations. Nothing is super specific. No one really knows what’s going on, despite best efforts. And there are, for sure, leftover parts.
To start, I’m going tell you about all the gifts I bestowed upon myself. Let me start by saying that I love practical gifts. A gift certificate for car detailing. An awesome Dyson vacuum designed especially for dog hair. A rad teflon-free nonstick frying pan. (This tidbit of information will help to keep you from judgement later on, when you think I’m super boring. Pinky promise.)
The other thing I will say in advance is that I now fully embrace the idea of how challenging it can be to find just the right thing for someone. I mean, I bought myself presents and I didn’t even get it right. I created a rating scale to grade how well I did on these purchases. There’s always room for improvement.
❤ = Yas, queen.
☠ = What the fuck were you thinking?
ツ = Eh.
Now let’s get down to brass tax.
The Advent
December 26
The Full Plate: Flavor-Filled, Easy Recipes for Families with No Time and a Lot to Do
I love me some Ayesha Curry. She’s the wife of Steph, mother of three, a chef, restaurateur, and a general badass. Remember when Steph caught shit from the media a few years ago because his daughter, Riley, was on stage during a post-game press conference? Ayesha was not having it. Mama Bear roared back and put the naysayers in their places. Anyway, this is Ayesha’s second cookbook. I have the first, too, and it’s pretty good. I like that she weaves in family pleasing recipes with her Jamaican heritage. I also like that she doesn’t pretend that it’s easy to get dinner on the table every night. ❤
December 27
Bare Minimum Dinners: Recipes and Strategies for Doing Less in the Kitchen
I like to cook. Really, I do. Especially on Sundays, when I have time to put on a podcast, bake bread, and create something time-consuming and delicious, like risotto. But on weeknights, it has to be quick, easy, and interesting enough for my kids to take a single bite. This book is by the food director at Real Simple magazine. The first recipe in the book is fish tacos, made with fish sticks. It had me at hello. ❤
December 28
Soma Enbliss Racerback Bralette
I cannot get behind the trend of intentionally exposed bra straps. I like an arsenal of bra styles in my unmentionables drawer and have been in search of a comfortable racerback style FOREVER. And I found one! On sale! This bra is comfy, smoothing, and supportive. I’m going to buy more as soon as they go back on sale again. ❤
December 29
Well Rested Sleep Shorts and Bra
I bought this pajama set when I was feeling hopeful that I might get to travel someplace warm for February school vacation. It’s super cute and certainly a step up from boxer shorts and an oversized t-shirt that is typical of my warm weather sleep attire. But the fabric is super thin and fragile, and no match for the shards of crackers I find in my bed after evening snuggles with Luke. This set is going back. ☠
December 30
Wonderskin Wonder Blading Peel + Reveal Lip Color Kit
This lip color is super cool. I discovered it on TikTok, which apparently guides many of my purchases these days. You apply it with a wand, like any lip gloss, but the color is a metallic blue. You wait a few seconds and spray it with an activator. Then the blue metallic color peels off and leaves a perfect stain that won’t budge. The color is great and does last all day. But my lips were super dry after wearing it. This will not be an every day product, but I will probably wear it on date nights or Zoom calls that require me to look the opposite of dead. I will not be rushing out to buy more colors. ツ
December 31
Aurora Crop Rib Tank Bra, Elation V-Neck Crop Bra, and PowerSoft Racerback Sports Bra
I bought this assortment of workout bras to replace a few of the Nike models I have worn since before Max was born. Yes, seriously. I like to wear cute workout clothes when I exercise because I find it motivating. The Aurora Tank has a weird neck line and rough, ribbed material. That one is being returned so I don’t run the risk of chafing my nipples, which is a valid concern. ☠ The Elation bra is really low cut, which is peculiar in a bra intended for physical activity. The last thing I need is a wardrobe malfunction mid-run. That one is being returned, too. ☠ The PowerSoft bra is amazing! I bought it in black glitter, which looks like leather, and obviously makes even more of a badass than I already am. It provides support, compression, and coverage. ❤
January 1
I love clogs and have since I first laid eyes on a pair as a six-year-old. I used to have a pair of red Swedish clogs with little flowers painted on the toes when I was in my early twenties, but the wood sole was just too tempting for our puppy, Maddy, who chewed them to smithereens. This new pair is beautiful but needs to be exchanged for the next size up. ❤
January 2
But Did You Die? and When We Play Britney Wall Decor
As I have mentioned before, I am not a member of a gym. For about two years, I have been working out in our finished basement and I love it. The space triples as a playroom, guest room, and home gym. It needs a coat of paint and some lines of demarcation so I can stop tripping over toy trucks and basketballs as I stumble to my Peloton each morning to start my day with my boo, Cody Rigsby. He has lots of fun things to say, including But Did You Die? and When We Play Britney We Fuck Shit Up. So obviously I needed this decor to help me reach my fitness goals. And by fitness goals, I mean that I don’t have any. ❤
January 3
Now that I am so tuned into supporting my mental health, I have noticed how bummed out I get after days upon days of gloomy weather. It’s probably a form of seasonal affective disorder, but it’s hard to say for sure since my depression does pop up to say hello! so often. I have been reading about the benefits of light therapy lately and decided to give it a try. This lamp is beautiful, has three colors of lights, multiple brightness settings, and doubles as a ring light for Zoom calls. Highly recommend. ❤
The Main Event
January 4
You may recall that I outlined my birthday wishes in a blog a couple weeks back. The blog, Advent of My Birthday, was an attempt to steer my big day towards a place of celebration, rather than an obligation that needed to be navigated before moving on with the new year. It included the following:
Not getting up early ✔
Coffee ✔
Donuts ✔
I did not get up at 5:50. Instead, hubs woke me up at 6:05 with coffee and donuts in bed. He was really excited to give me my birthday present and was ready to get the show on the road.
Balloons ✔
Gifts ✔
Kindness + laughter ✔
I was then escorted downstairs by Max and told to sit on a stool at the kitchen counter. Hubs handed me my phone and texted me a link to a video. There, in front of my 43-year-old eyes was a Cameo from the one and only Lance Bass from NSYNC wishing ME a Happy Birthday! I shared the video on the Stink Bug Tales Facebook page if you’re interested in viewing this birthday magic yourself.
Sending my family to school and work ✔
I lit a candle, tidied my house, and took a lengthy shower that included both hair washing and shaving. Talk about luxury!
Massage ✔
If you have never been to Flote, I highly recommend it. I like the Hampton location. I got a 90-minute massage followed by a one-hour soak in a sensory deprivation tank. Pro tip: DO NOT SHAVE BEFORE ENTERING A SALT WATER TANK.
Nap ✘
Instead of a nap, I brought Max to the orthodontist for the third time in eight days, to have a rogue bracket reattached. Then I started the appeal process on our health insurance company’s denial of coverage on Max’s ADHD medication, which has been covered for the last five years, but now, without any communication about the change, is not.
Fancy Dinner ✘
Sometimes I forget who I am. I get these ideas to do things that I really don’t want to do - like wear pants with buttons, throw parties, or force my kids to be on their best behavior. I cancelled our dinner reservation and instead we all went out for burgers at Hop + Grind. I wore sweatpants. It was amazing. On the drive there, Max randomly asked us questions about racism and hubs and I tried to answer them to the best of our abilities. I mean, is it even a birthday celebration if you don’t talk about things like this? Next year I’ll be sure to include conversations about reproductive rights, religion, and politics into my birthday agenda.
Shared celebration with Luke ✔
After dinner, we shared a strawberries and cream cake from Sweet Dreams Bakery. Luke blew out the candles before hubs and Max had finished singing, then proceeded to eat all of the strawberries off of the top of the cake. He told me it was his birthday, not mine, and when I corrected him, he told me it was his birthday first. Sigh. I knew something like this would happen. Luke Persson: Birthday Klepto.
Southern Charm episodes ✔
I’m halfway through season 7, which takes place during the summer of 2020. It’s so weird (and slightly traumatic) to watch everyone live through the beginning of COVID. I fell asleep at 10.
Overall Assessment
I learned the craziest thing this year. As it turns out, if I explicitly tell my people how I want to spend my birthday, they make it happen. Conversely, if I don’t tell my people how I want to spend my birthday, they don’t make it happen. Mind blown, right?
Typically, I don’t love being the center of attention. I don’t usually like a big fuss. I hate asking for help. I love doing these things for other people, but typically don’t ask for things in return. I don’t want to be a burden. But you know what I learned? My people want to do these things for me. They want me to be happy. And feel special. And know I am loved. But the only way this happens is if I tell them what I want or need. The only way I can communicate these things to them is if I am able to identify these desires in myself. I have to listen to me. And trust me. And believe me. And celebrate me.
This birthday was great. I loved my Advent. It was fun and silly and brought me so much joy. Luke loved it, too, even though all the gifts were for me. He helped me open each day and shared in my excitement. I’m making it a tradition. I loved waking up to my own celebration, just like the ones I create for the other members of my family. I loved spending my time exactly how I wanted to. I loved making changes to the agenda on a whim. I loved sharing the day with Luke. I even loved having to go to the orthodontist. I think it’s because I realized that each birthday a family celebrates is a collective birthday. It was my day, but everyone loved teaming up to make it happen. For hubs’ day in a few weeks, a different amalgamation of us will team up to make that one happen, too. And we’ll do it for Max in July.
Our family is a team. We celebrate the wins. We survive the losses. Together. Always together. ❤
