Inside Out
Have you ever seen the Pixar movie Inside Out? It’s about a tween girl named Riley, who is uprooted from her Midwest life and moved to San Francisco, and how her emotions - Joy, Fear, Anger, Disgust and Sadness - conflict on how best to navigate a new city, house, and school. Like all good animated films trying to make a buck by appealing to both children AND adults, there are parts that completely tear a girl’s heart out. It’s a perfect analogy for what I’m going to write about today.
It will be of no surprise to anyone that part of today’s blog stems from me listening to Glennon’s podcast. This particular episode featured Martha Beck, a Harvard-trained sociologist and life coach. HER WORK IS DEDICATED TO FREEING HUMAN BEINGS FROM SUFFERING. Is that not the coolest professional goal ever? Anyway, while listening amidst my various carpooling duties, Martha said something along these lines: our goal, as humans, is to live the same way on the outside that we do on the inside. I had to rewind.
OUR GOAL, AS HUMANS, IS TO LIVE THE SAME WAY ON THE OUTSIDE THAT WE DO ON THE INSIDE. My immediate thought was “Holy shit. I’m doing it. I’m fucking doing it.”
Let’s take a step back and talk about what Martha means. Like Glennon, Martha talks a lot about learning to listen more to your inner voice and less to the outside world. In doing so, you prioritize your own needs and eventually create a more meaningful, beautiful life. It’s about learning to trust your heart to make decisions that are best for you, while tuning out the voices trying to sway your judgement. And it’s really hard work. It requires leaning in to uncomfortable feelings. It requires tough conversations. It requires pissing people people off. It requires you to recognize that you are your own best ally. It requires you to hear your voice as the only one that truly matters.
Okay. Back to me. I didn’t follow Martha’s path. I mean, I just discovered her existence last week. I forged my own path with a little help from a pandemic silver lining, Glennon and Brene, and of course therapy. Lots and lots of therapy.
My process looked like this:
A global pandemic forced me to work entirely from home.
So much therapy.
Glennon Doyle.
Brene Brown.
We Can Do Hard Things Podcast.
Self-analysis.
Creating or identifying boundaries.
Starting to think about how to best enforce boundaries.
Starting a blog.
Feeling uncomfortable enforcing boundaries.
Feeling okay enforcing boundaries.
Feeling proud of myself for enforcing boundaries.
So that’s it! My very own 12 Step Program. Easy, right? Wrong. Not easy.
The thing I think that might be most important for me to highlight is #1. My pandemic silver lining. After working from home for almost two years, I might very well be living my best life. Here’s why. I am so much more of an introvert than I ever realized before. Spending hours and hours alone with my thoughts, and my work, and my quiet household chores has changed my life. I am free to craft my own schedule around the times of day that a) allow me to be most thoughtful and productive, and b) allow me to prioritize my family. Sometimes, I work normal hours. Sometimes, I work in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep. I am free to hold mid-day Taylor Swift dance parties all by my lonesome. I stay in pajamas as long as I want. I don’t have to pack my lunch. I can start a loaf of bread in the morning and be home to knead it and proof it accordingly. I’m home to meet Max when his bus arrives home every single day.
Until I had time to truly breathe, I never realized how exhausted I felt by spending most of my days in the company of others. It’s not that I don’t like other people - I do! I really do! But for me, social interaction is like vampire power. Yes, the toaster is technically off, but it continues to pull electricity from the outlet because it is still plugged into the wall. Working from home allows me to unplug myself. It allows me to use my energy in a different way. And because I can use my energy in a different way, I have been able to look more deeply at myself and think about the kind of life I want to be living, just like Riley.
