Getting My Pink Back
Did you know that a flamingo’s pink color comes from the pigments in the algae and small crustaceans they eat? Did you also know that a mother flamingo is drained of her pink color while she feeds her milk to her babies? She finally regains her pink color when her babies become more independent and can eat on their own. I’m sure there are more examples in nature of children literally sucking the life out of their parents, but I don’t care much for wildlife. You can thank TikTok for this fun fact about flamingos.
Lindsey Gurk is a well-known TikTok creator among the mom crowd. She was the person who first told me all about the notion of getting my pink back…you know, like we’re friends who met at the park so we could push our kids on the swings for 100 hours. She has created a whole campaign (with merch!) to help mamas get their grooves back.
So.
This whole idea of getting my pink back REALLY resonates with me. I’m finished with pregnancy…like, forever. My parts are retired. My newborn is now a very sassy, diabolical, almost 4-year-old. And I’m feeling out of the woods with COVID mentally beating me into the ground. Getting my pink back seems feasible. But what does it even mean? I want to start making decisions that empower and excite ME, just me. The Kim me. Not the mom me or the wife me. But who the heck is that girl and what does she want?
Every time I think about my future, I am overrun with feelings of overwhelm. You see, I have never liked a multitude of choices. A handful is just fine. And I have never liked lengthy periods of time to choose. It leads to overthinking. The prospect of escaping from my cocoon of motherhood and flying off into a post-COVID world that has been turned on its head is absolutely paralyzing.
I don’t have to decide today. I don’t have to decide today. I don’t have to decide today.
When I was younger, working my first job out of college, a coworker referred to her job as her “career.” I remember feeling perplexed by this. I went to college because it was expected. I got a job because I had bills to pay. But never had I considered the idea that I might be interested in having a career. My goal was, and still is to some degree, to support my family. By “support,” I don’t mean financially. I mean, I have two social work degrees for fuck’s sake. How much financial support can I really offer? Maybe a better word choice is “nurture.” I have always wanted to be the type of wife and mother who would drop literally everything to be available for my family.
But now.
Now, it doesn’t feel like enough.
I have already won an Oscar for best supporting actress. I am ready to be nominated for best actress. I suppose I’m just waiting for the perfect script. ♥
